The Circle of Wellness Newsletter 4/26
Learning to Regulate Distressing Emotions
Distressing emotions are not signs of failure or dysfunction—they are signals. From a psychotherapy perspective, the goal is not to eliminate these emotions but to change the way we relate to them, understand them, and respond to them. Effective emotional regulation involves awareness, interpretation, and intentional action rather than suppression or avoidance.
Understanding the Function of Emotions
Emotions serve adaptive purposes. Anxiety can signal threat, sadness can indicate loss, anger may point to violated boundaries. Problems arise when emotions become overwhelming, chronic, or disconnected from present reality. Psychotherapy helps individuals differentiate between useful emotional signals and maladaptive emotional patterns shaped by past experiences.
Building Emotional Awareness
A foundational step is developing the ability to notice and label emotions accurately. Many people experience distress as a vague sense of unease. Therapy encourages slowing down and asking:
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel this in my body?
What triggered this reaction?
This process, often called emotional granularity, reduces intensity by shifting the brain from reactive to reflective processing.
Cognitive Reframing
From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, emotions are closely tied to thoughts. Distress is often amplified by automatic interpretations such as catastrophizing (“This will ruin everything”) or personalization (“This is all my fault”).
Reframing involves:
Identifying distorted thoughts
Challenging their accuracy
Replacing them with more balanced alternatives
This does not mean forced positivity—it means aligning thoughts more closely with reality.
Emotion Regulation Skills
Psychotherapy offers practical tools to manage emotional intensity in the moment:
Grounding techniques: Bringing attention to the present through the senses (e.g., noticing five things you can see, four you can touch)
Breathing exercises: Slowing physiological arousal through controlled breathing
Distress tolerance: Learning to “ride out” emotional waves without impulsive reactions
These skills are especially emphasized in approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
Acceptance Rather Than Avoidance
Avoidance can provide short-term relief but often strengthens distress over time. Acceptance-based approaches encourage making space for emotions without trying to eliminate them.
This might look like:
Noticing the emotion without judgment
Allowing it to exist without immediate action
Recognizing that emotions are temporary experiences, not permanent states
Paradoxically, acceptance often reduces the intensity of distress.
Exploring Underlying Patterns
Many distressing emotions are rooted in deeper schemas—longstanding beliefs about oneself, others, and the world. For example:
“I am not good enough”
“People will abandon me”
Therapy helps uncover these patterns and understand how past experiences shape present emotional responses. Once identified, these schemas can be challenged and gradually reshaped.
Behavioral Activation
Emotions are influenced not only by thoughts but by actions. When people feel distressed, they often withdraw, which reinforces negative emotional states.
Behavioral activation involves:
Engaging in meaningful or rewarding activities despite low motivation
Reintroducing structure and routine
Creating positive feedback loops between behavior and mood.
Strengthening Self-Compassion
Harsh self-criticism intensifies emotional distress. Psychotherapy encourages developing a more compassionate internal dialogue:
Speaking to oneself as one would to a close friend
Recognizing shared human struggles
Reducing shame and self-judgment
Self-compassion does not eliminate accountability; it creates a safer internal environment for growth.
Integrating the Approach
Mitigating distressing emotions is not about finding a single technique but integrating multiple processes:
Awareness of emotional states
Understanding their origins
Regulating their intensity
Responding in aligned, intentional ways
Over time, this leads to greater emotional flexibility—the ability to experience a full range of emotions without becoming overwhelmed or controlled by them.
I’m currently accepting new clients for Psychotherapy and MARI sessions. All current clients receive 20% discount for MARI services, and newsletter subscribers receive 10% discount as new clients.
Confidence grows when you honor your needs instead of constantly questioning them.
Adult clients diagnosed with ADHD often wonder whether or not to start taking medication to help with their focus and productivity. Therapy is always recommended as a significant tool in learning necessary skills to manage ADHD symptoms, usually done by engaging in CBT interventions, but taking medication remains a personal decision for each client. This research study examines outcomes of ADHD symptoms management with and without medication.
Read this study here A randomized controlled trial of CBT therapy for adults with ADHD with and without medication | BMC Psychiatry | Springer Nature Link
Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life through the power of self-compassion.
Discover why moving from self-esteem to self-compassion is the key to counteracting the negative effects of self-criticism and leaving insecurity behind.
Get this book here Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Paperback | Barnes & Noble®
This evidence-based mental health resources website offers validated screening tools, provides evidence-based resources and guidance, not just general advice,
helps you understand your symptoms and next steps, including when to seek professional help.
Reach this site here Mental Health For Me | Evidence-Based Support & Assessment Tools
Quick mental health tips for Social Anxiety
1. Shrink the Spotlight
Your brain is telling you “everyone is watching me”—but most people are focused on themselves.
2. Name the Thought, Don’t Fight It
Instead of arguing with anxious thoughts, label them.
3. Regulate Your Body First
Anxiety is physical before it’s mental.
Inhale for 4 seconds
Exhale for 6–8 seconds
Repeat 5–8 times
Longer exhales signal safety to your nervous system.
4. Normalize Awkwardness
You will feel awkward sometimes. That’s not failure—it’s human.
If you want to practice how to navigate social anxiety, try this Attention Shifting exercise.
Purpose: Shift focus from internal anxiety to external engagement
Instructions:
During conversations:
Focus fully on the other person
Notice details (tone, words, expressions)
Gently redirect attention when it drifts back to yourself
Reflection prompt:
“What did I notice when I focused outward instead of inward?”
